The free-for-all Pundemonium Thread

The free-for-all Pundemonium Thread

Due to the roaring success of the punfest in the Transfer Conjecture thread, and the fact that we were starting to piss people off. Why not get rid of all your bad puns in this thread. Just bring a subject up and then it's every man, woman and child for themselves. When the puns start to dry up, start a new subject and off we go again..........


See Steven O'Dor is leaving us to study law. Personally I think all that time on the bench has affected his judgement...
Jag2008-01-18 15:09:17

A Degree will certainly open a few O'Dors... C-Diddy2008-01-17 22:49:04

...although this will have arrested his football development...

...hopefully the Phoenix won't get court out at the back...

Jesus you guys, your "puns" are criminal!

..should we be writing these in long sentences.....if we don't put a full stop at the end, does that make it a suspended sentence?

The Defence rests!

C-Diddy2008-01-17 22:59:51

I wonder if O'Dors favourite singer is Ian Jury? (Drury)

Bit hasty with your verdict there, C-D. 

I think he's a big fan of Judge Dread, LG.

Are this many puns on one website legal?

Saw a big bird bird throwing up in my garden today. Must have been an ill-eagle.......

Puns of all standards are allowed here by the look of it

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income

An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him. "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?

The old captain replied, "Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!"

You got me hook, line and sinker with that one, LG. Sailing pretty close to the wind tho, getting perilously close to a joke that was. Not sure we want any jokes in here Might have to police this thread quite carefully!
Jag2008-01-17 23:13:42

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins.

"How am I doing?" he asks.

"Three knots," she replies.

"Three knots? What's that mean?"

"You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."

Some very cagey puns here indeed!

yep, was on a website that had nauticals jokes. I'll get me coat and head off to sea!

I'll bet a few people will be happy that the punning has been shipped out of the Phoenix section before the Mods took the wind out of our sails by shutting it down

Laughter, just what the Dockter ordered

Nothing fishy going on here...

well, I might just go and wharf down a sandwich!

Lets not stop now though, no time for arrest

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.

He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says "I�m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, �Guess who?�"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I�m a divorce lawyer."

Oops, might have to disappear for a minute. My cellphone's ringing....

Why don't snakes bite attorneys? Professional courtesy.

From what I detect, Ive got a feeling that this could go on and on and on and on.....

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many can you afford?

The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision: 1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats. 2. The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats. 3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats won't do.

No sh*t, Sherlock!

God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all.

When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

Correct, it's Watson my mindhepatitis2008-01-17 23:34:39

I'm back. Hope nobody took offence at my leaving, On the evidence of what I've seen so far, this thread might be a winner. Don't have a clue where all this might lead tho'.... Jag2008-01-17 23:35:40