Laughter truly is the best medicine - Joke Thread

Matt W-S
Moderator
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So as some will know, I love telling dad jokes (some times he even laughs) and now while I'm stuck with time on my hands, I thought I would bring my jokes from twitter it to the forums for the ones who miss out on all the quality!

So post your best and worst of jokes that make you laugh..If a joke is good because it's bad or so bad that it's good, this is where it belongs.

  1. Please try and keep it SFW (and remember what you find funny, someone else may not)
  2. Try keep to written ones as well, images and gifs can still go in the other thread

I'm an optimistic pessimist. 

I'm positive things will go wrong.

Matt W-S
Moderator
Starting XI
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A homeless guy asked me for money today, so I looked in my pocket for change, but all I had on me was a $20 bill. I thought to myself "Do I really want this $20 going towards drugs?...Nah!" So I gave him the 20.

I'm an optimistic pessimist. 

I'm positive things will go wrong.

coochiee
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Egg & a sausage in a frying pan.

Sausage - "man it's hot in here"

Egg - "what do you know a talking sausage"

Hope you are on the improve with each day Matt.

newzealandpower
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A skeleton enters a bar and says "a beer please!!..... And a mop!"

VUW AFC - Victoria University Football for life

Lonegunmen
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A horse walks into a bar and the barman says "You look sad, why the long face?"

172 Consecutive "Home" Wellington Phoenix "A League" Games Attendee   

Lonegunmen
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Why did the Walrus like going to Tupperware parties? Because he enjoyed a tight seal.

172 Consecutive "Home" Wellington Phoenix "A League" Games Attendee   

Sanday
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A young couple took their two-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes with maple syrup. That should solve the problem." The next morning, when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes and a gallon of maple syrup in the middle of the table. "Gee, mom," he exclaimed. "For me?" "Just take two," his mother replied. "The rest are for your father."

Take care Matt.Good to hear you are on the mend.

For post asl

Q: How do you know if someone is a vegan?

 A: They tell you.

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